ROFL Transmission 1

Ladies and gentlemen young and old, we thank you for your attention. There is a great and looming threat casting a shadow upon this planetoid that stretches far into the past. The SED, or the Society of Elite Defenders as they would like to be called, have had other names. They have been the implements of terror, destruction, and oppression, all deplorable traits to be commended really, with aspects of these behaviors still evident today that they claim is for the safety of all citizens. In truth, without anything to test their willingness to protect you, how are any of you expected to believe them? What reason do you have to trust their words and embrace them as your protectors. We of the Righteous Order of the First Light understand your confusion and suspicion. We agree with you that the SED has yet to prove themselves to be trusted with any governance or even right to serve as first responders when your lives are at risk. However, in the name of truth and clarity will give you the contrast you need to test the SED's motives.

As agents of balance and contrast, we at ROFL will give you what you all need. We solemnly promise to provide you with the highest quality atrocities from which the SED will have to act. You can count on us to provide plagues, famine, spectral terrors, elemental incursions, and perhaps even a good, solid war of sufficient magnitude and complexity against which you will stand no chance of survival. There are forces most of you have never considered or even been aware of that we will employ to ensure sleepless nights and desperate last stands from which you will have to rely upon the SED for protection. There will be slaughter, defilement, cannibalism, and maybe all of them in the same city block so that you might finally realize how far off and unbalanced your peace has been. Our agents will be legion but we who guide it will never be yours to know. At last you will have what you need to truly understand what you have enjoyed, what you have taken for granted, and what the SED really means to you. Once again you can have the joy of locking your doors, barring your windows, and hiding beneath your covers in terror that we may yet be in your home, and, of course, we will be.

But wait, ROFL. When and where can we expect to see these great works and marvels of contrast and illumination? My dear neighbors! Patience! Patience! In just a moment when we stop intercepting your 911 calls, there will be plenty for you all! Change is in the air. Well, if not change, it certainly is something!